With all of my fabulous anxiety disorders I’ve found this thought to be a particularly comforting one. We all live in a meatsuit driven by a survival focused brain. We evolved this way.

For example, we are meant to live in a group to survive and share food and safety against predators. When this modern society chooses to see us as “Other” the comfort of the group is missing, and we revert to our anxious self. This could mean anxiety for anyone neurodivergent, who doesn’t “mask” well, or for those who were born to learn inappropriate social queues from family.

The modern society comforts are protected by a group of neuronormative people who crave safety from their peers, as it has always been. This results in a Canadian Middle Class society that paints itself in trendy clothing, makeup, jewelry, verbal expression, and expectations. Neurodivergent people in particular tend to pull away from those decorations in the brain’s attempt to find an “Other” safer social group. We are drawn to one another like magnets.

Unfortunately, in this clunky group we find a collective psyche of social outcasts afraid of being vulnerable for fear of being cast out again. This fear causes the collective groups to be smaller and less trusting; gatekeepers ready to defend with all of the fearful aggression that comes with trauma. Habits of social judgement and the casting out of peers is not only normal, it’s encouraged by other fearful peers. We have a lot to work on.

One thing that can help alleviate the stress of these situations is vulnerability and trust, with boundaries. “House rules” of smaller social groups are very important and should be valued. Another thing that may help is shared “markings” like phrases, trinkets, or articles of clothing. These would help groups become more trusting of one another and solidify a bond. It’s a giving of individuality to the group brand, so to speak.

In the end we carry our meatsuits to gather in groups during the dark nights to find comfort in one another and find joy in socialization and that’s beautiful…

…if only I could convince myself to go out.